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Boat Race Cancelled

The weekands annual boat race between the world’s two most famous universities, oxford and Cambridge, has been cancelled, due to boredom.

The race, from Putney to mortalke,is absolutely pointess, and only ever holds any excitement for the public if one of the boats sinks.

In an effort to ‘space up’ the contest two years ago, organizers   an outboard motor to each of the boats last year, boats crews werse coaxed by naked black women with enomours breats and a basket of fruit on their heads, but even this last-ditch attempt didn’t spark any interest amongst the public, although winning crew oxford managed to shave nearly  8 minutes off the race record.

In the first boat race 1651, the oxford , skippered by R. Crusoe was swept down the thames and out  to sea. The crew were found clinging to French rocks, but crusoe was never seen again.

Then, in 1851, Capt Ahab of cambrige became distrcaced by a large brown trout in the river, and pursed his quary al the way to coast of Greenland, eventually finishing the race  a distant second.

Oxford coach Bob Woolman, and his Cambridge countrtpart Bob Woolhouse, were downcast at tne news of the race’s cancellation.

"this looks like the end of the boat race. It’s a shame for a couple of old  dodderers like us. I don’t know what will bwcome of us" said Bob.

"well probably end up collecting trolleys at Tesco. "